Tips for Allies of Transgender People
The following are tips that can be used as you move toward becoming a better ally to transgender people. Of course, this list is not exhaustive and cannot include all the "right" things to do or say because often there is no one "right" answer to every situation you might encounter.
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| Don't make assumptions about a transgender person's sexual orientation |
When you become an ally of transgender people, your actions will help change the culture, making society a better, safer place for transgender people and for all people (trans or not) who do not conform to conventional gender expectations.
You can't tell if someone is transgender just by looking.
Transgender people don't look any certain way or come from any one background. Many transgender people do not appear "visibly trans," meaning they are not perceived to be transgender by others. It is not possible to look around a room and "see" if there are any transgender people.
(It would be like a person looking around the room to "see" if there are any gay people.) You should assume that there may be transgender people at any gathering or in any space.
Don't make assumptions about a transgender person's sexual orientation.
Gender identity is different than sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is about who we're attracted to. Gender identity is about our own personal sense of being a man or a woman, or neither of those binary genders. Transgender people can be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or straight.
If you don't know what pronouns to use, listen first.
If you're unsure which pronoun a person uses, listen first to the pronoun other people use when referring to them. Someone who knows the person well will probably use the correct pronoun. If you must ask which pronoun the person uses, start with your own.
For example, "Hi, I'm Alex and I use the pronouns he and him. What about you?" Then use that person's pronoun and encourage others to do so.
If you accidently use the wrong pronoun, apologize quickly and sincerely, then move on. The bigger deal you make out of the situation, the more uncomfortable it is for everyone.
Learn that transgender people are not new.
Transgender people have existed across cultures and throughout time and history. What is new is the heightened awareness of gender diversity and the transgender community because of increased media attention in the last few decades.
However, much of these media stories have speculated and projected about the experiences of transgender people rather than aggregating from first-hand accounts. DISCLOSURE, a documentary film on Netflix directed by Sam Feder and executive produced by Laverne Cox, surveys the history of trans representation in TV and film using archival footage and interviews with 30 trans advocates and artists working in the entertainment industry--revealing how media has deeply influenced public perception, policy, and understanding of trans people. Watch the documentary to understand how TV and film have taught trans and cis people how to feel about this community.
Coming out as trans.
Coming out as transgender to friends and family can range from scary and difficult to exciting and liberating. It’s different for everyone. There’s no one right way to come out.
What does it mean to “come out”?
Coming out as transgender may mean that you tell people about your preferred pronouns (if you wish to be referred to as he/him, she/her, they/them, etc.). It may also mean that you ask people to call you by a new name and to think of you by the gender identity that you’re comfortable with.
Coming out as trans is a very personal decision and different for everyone. Some people choose to come out before they medically or socially transition, and some choose to come out after or during the process.
You may choose to come out to different people at different times, or to not come out to some people at all. All of this is okay — only you can decide what’s right for you. Although both involve telling friends and family about your identity, there are differences between coming out as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and coming out as transgender.
A lot of people know what it means for a person to be gay, but there’s still a lot of confusion and misinformation out there about what it means to be trans.
And sometimes coming out or being outed as transgender can mean your identity is misunderstood, disrespected, or disbelieved. If you choose to come out as transgender, make sure it's to people you trust and that you have a support system in place. This can include friends, family, or a support group.
It's important to feel as confident as possible that coming out won't jeopardize your safety, health, or living situation.
How do I come out to my parents and friends?
There’s no one correct way to come out to your family and friends. You're the expert in what feels right to you, and who it feels safest to tell. Here are some general tips for coming out:
When you decide that you’re ready to come out, give yourself time to think through how you’ll do it and what you’ll say.
Figure out the people or person in your life that you think will be the most supportive, and come out to them first. You can often get a sense of how friendly someone is to transgender people by watching how they react when the topic comes up in conversation.
Do some research so that you have information about being trans, in case they have questions or don’t know all the facts.
After you decide who you’ll come out to, what you’ll say to them, and how you’ll say it, be prepared to wait as they digest and accept the new information. Give them the time they need to think about and try to understand what you’re going through.
Where can I find support if I’m transgender?
You can find support in a lot of places, including:
Other transgender people who may share their experience of coming out or transitioning
Online communities of trans folks
Transgender support groups at your local LGBTQ community center
Cisgender people who are allies to trans people
National organizations such as the National Center for Transgender Equality, the Human Rights Campaign (HRC), The Trevor Project, PFLAG and GLAAD.
Not everyone lives in a place that has lots of trans people or an LGBTQ community center. If this is your situation, check the Internet for communities and support.
Chest binding: tips and tricks for trans men, nonbinary, and genderfluid people
Top things to know:
Chest binding (compressing breast tissue to give the appearance of a flat chest) is common among anyone who doesn’t want their chest to look feminine.
Do NOT bind your chest with duct tape or plastic wrap. The most popular safe methods are to use commercial binders, sports bras, strategic layering, and bandages or elastic materials.
If you’re binding frequently, make sure to take breaks throughout the day and take days off, as binding continuously can cause negative side effects (2,4).
If you hope to get top surgery (a procedure to reduce or remove breast tissue), binding frequently can affect skin elasticity and impact surgery outcomes (4,5).
How do people bind their chests?
People bind in many different ways: Some people wrap their chests with elastic bandages, some wear a sports bra, neoprene or athletic compression wear, or layer several sports bras or shirts. Others wear commercially-available binders specially designed for this purpose
Everyone binds differently. Some people bind only for special occasions, others every day. One study surveying people who bind reported that the average person bound their chest for around 10 hours per day, with the most popular methods being commercial chest binders, followed by sports bras, shirt or bra layering, and bandages or elastic materials
4 Tips On How to Pass As Masculine For Trans Men
Being a pre-operated trans man is exhausting. Most of the time people don’t acknowledge your gender, you do not look your age (like a teenage boy), people misgender you by saying, “Oh sorry ma’am I thought you are a boy“, and gender dysphoria haunts.
Here are few tips with which you can pass as a male and decrease your dysphoria:
1. Identify where your dysphoria lies:
Identify what are the things that give you this distress and dysphoria. Is it the ‘feminine’ clothes, the haircut, the way people treat you, your body (Chest, what you have in your pants, feminine skin, no or lack of facial hair)? Do not get traumatised and by identifying your dysphoria you can work around it to make things a little better.
2. Getting a Masculine Haircut:
Getting a simple masculine haircut can be both relieving and a struggling experience. It sometimes takes a lot of courage to do it. “What will parents, society, friends, colleagues or relatives say” is the most daunting thought. Trust me once you do it, it is the most relieving experience.
Go to a salon or your barber, ask for a masculine haircut which you like. Many hairstylist or barber may ask many weird questions. “Aap baal kyu chhote kara rhe ho” (Why are you cutting your hair short), “Ladkiyo ke toh baal bade hote hai” (Girls should have long hair), “Trim kardu kya” (Should I trim?), “Arre koi khass occasion hai kya” (Is there a special occasion?), “Shaadi kaun karega aise aapse” (Who will marry you?) and they try to lure you with all their products which are especially for women. If your hairstylist says all these, tell them to just do their job or change the stylist.
Also note, that there is a difference between short masculine and short feminine haircut.
3. Masculine clothes:
Choosing masculine clothes from a store can make you nervous, happy or anxious. Understanding your body and what suits you are very important. I have a read a very good article about FTM masculine clothing.
4. Using a Binder:
Chest binding is a way to decrease down the dysphoria for many trans men. Binding, basically, means to use various ways and materials to make your chest area flatten, hence giving you a male-looking chest. It is cheap to use household items however, some are quite unsafe. For instance, duct tape and crepe bandage are not good because they damage the breast tissues and ribs. When I didn’t have a binder I used a dupatta, cut old jeans to wrap around the chest area, old smaller size t-shirts. They are all good, but not reliable. Then I tried jockey’s different sports bra of small size and also tried this Binder Tank Top. I stitched the sports bra to the size in which I felt comfortable and it gave me more compression. I was not happy so I looked for a really good budget binder. There are many websites where you can find binders:
Underworks.com has some really good binders, but they are a little expensive. Amazon.in also has binders of Underworks. Aliexpress.com GC2B.com .
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